Half Priced Porn!

Last weekend Kent and I went to Half Priced Books so that he could take full advantage of his birthday gift card (that's right I went all out). He went straight to the records, I went straight to the momma section. In an attempt to ease some of my more recent labor and delivery fears, I picked up "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way". I remembered the Bradley method being mentioned as one of many relaxation options along with Lamaz. As I flipped through the book sitting on the floor in the store, I began to notice something. Every illustration of a woman, was of a completely naked woman. Strange, I thought. Then I spied a chapter on the episiotomy and read some interesting information so I continued flipping. As I got further into the book, I began to notice actual photos of naked women lying in "The Best Position for Labor". Well, this is a little "Real Sex" I thought. But kept flipping because I'm a big perv and I was hooked. Chapter 16 is the pushing chapter. The first few pages are again illustrations of naked women in labor being coached by clothed men, no big deal. Probably would have been sufficient no? Then suddenly without warning on page 149, is a black and white photograph of a woman knees up to her ears with NO CLOTHES ON and her shirtless "birthing coach" smilingly helping her through. Oh, well, this is a little inappropriate, I thought. And kept flipping because now, well, now I'm fascinated. The next few pages are all shots of the woman's crotch and her husband beside her in his 1984 running shorts and nothing else. Apparently they are at home because on page 151, she fucking picks up the phone to tell her friend she hasn't given birth yet. Then the baby crowns and let me just say I am SO THANKFUL I do not have to see my own pussy look like that. The whole spread (ha ha) has captions about how this woman was feeling zero pain because she was so relaxed and bla bla bla. Then, you turn the page and get yet another woman's pushing photo essay. Am I alone in finding this totally bizarre? I mean, I know that birth is a natural process and a woman's body is a beautiful thing and all that. But is there really any reason photograph it and publish it? Wouldn't illustrations work just as well? Why not go all the way with it and use color film? And why in the name of God isn't there one clothed female in the entire book?

Of course I bought the book. Partly because, as previously mentioned, I'm a perv. And partly because seeing the process I'm about to undertake is absolutely fascinating to me. And partly because I was hoping I too could learn how to have a "painless" birthing process.

I started reading it today and have not been impressed. The first 4 chapters read like propaganda. You're hurting your baby if you take any medications. Alka-Seltzer? You're a bad mother. Pain during labor? You just didn't prepare enough. Want to give birth in a hospital? You're ruining your chances of having a natural experience and bonding with your new baby.

Maybe once I get into the actual mechanics of the method I'll learn something useful. Right now all I know is, ain't no camera going "down there" when I'm pushing, and my huge tits will be safely confined in a sports bra.