Manifesto

We all do it. Every day around co-workers, lovers, little ones, mothers, fathers and strangers in the grocery store. There's a social code that we cater to and whether we realize it or not, it dictates that we censor ourselves. We mold our behavior to meet the societal standards we all silently agree on as we go about our day. For me, home is where I'm least censored. I'm lucky enough to have a husband who loves me for my craziness as well as my conformity*. And I'm so thankful that I can just let loose when I need to. But nothing beats the careful choosing and arranging of words (which can be deleted, and re-worked as much as needed) to adequately express how you're feeling.

(*Yes my conformity. As much as I'm loath to admit it sometimes it's just easier to go along with the masses. That's not to say that if something I'm deeply passionate about goes against the mainstream I'll conform my opinions, not at all. But you know, the every day stuff. It's just easier sometimes.)

The online journal is a strange hybrid. It is what it's name suggests, a daily journal of one's thoughts and feelings. Yet unlike the traditional journal that gets tucked under the mattress, the blog is read by anyone. Presumably you're friends and family read it to get a quick update on your day to day life. Unless you decide to publish anonymously of course, which I don't quite get. My blog is an extension of me, and to publish anonymously I would be showing only a fraction of who I am. On the other hand there are some things that are too personal to put on a blog that you know your dad is gonna read. So to not write about those things, is that doing yourself a disservice?

The best most engaging online journals are those in which the writer is the most exposed, the most raw, the least censored. It's my suspicion that those are also the most therapeutic to write. Because that's what this really is when you get down to it. All of us who journal about our lives are they types of people who feel better once they write about things. I have always felt so at peace after spilling my guts to a page. But until this journal, I never regularly wrote. That's why this is so important to me. That's why I'm going to try my best not to censor my feelings about what's going on in my life. I will always be respectful of my friends and loved ones feelings. I will never go on a one sided rampage against anyone or use someone's name when I shouldn't. In short I will not use this journal for evil.

Hopefully one day my journals will allow my little shrimp's shrimp to really get to know me as I was never able to know my grandparents. Or perhaps more importantly they will allow the future me to connect with who I once was.

All I know for sure is that I am making a promise to myself to write honestly about what I am feeling at any particular moment in time. And I intend to keep it.