Weekend Update

There are some days when I feel like I am not made to be around other people. When everything I do even if I'm trying hard to be positive, just ends up falling to pieces and pissing everyone off. Sunday morning and early afternoon was one of those days. On top of that I have the emotional control of a 13 year old right now and you can imagine how much fun it was at my house. Part of the problem was that Husbands friend who is staying with us had is fiancé up to visit this weekend. She is very, very sweet and once before we were dating Husband told me that she had the best body he had ever seen in person. It is perfect and naturally so. And she was in her bikini in our pool. There was a time when I would not have felt intimidated by this. But yesterday was not one of those days. My ass is getting bigger every day and I can't do anything about it. In the past I would have done a crash diet the minute I found out she was coming so I would feel better about myself. The thought of being in a bathing suit next to her and being compared to her perfectness (because that's what men do) was too much. Husband says "honey, your pregnant" like that gives me a free pass for being fat. Which is very nice, but we both know I wasn't thin to start with. It is not easy feeling inadequate. People say to me "oh you're just being silly you have nothing to worry about". I don't know why I don't feel thin/pretty/outgoing/ambitious/insert insecurity here/ enough, but I can tell you that it doesn't invalidate my feelings just because other people think it's silly for me to feel that way.

Sunday evening was better. We made our first big baby purchase, a crib. It's really cute and old fashioned looking. We got it from a second hand store around the corner who specializes in baby stuff. Our town is baby central so it's all still really new and great. I was just looking for a changing table but we walked out with the perfect crib. It's starting to feel more and more real.

Then we went to see Wedding Crashers (said fiancé’s birthday choice). I kept thinking, why? Why did they feel the need to remake every stupid wedding/redemption move ever and roll it into one big shit bomb? This is an actual line from the movie "Most of the people are just here to suckle from the power teet." This is not a punch line, it is delivered in all seriousness by Rachel McAdams who is this movies one freakin saving grace. She's really interesting to watch even in a movie like this where her part was one note all the way through. (my theatre arts minor is rearing its ugly head again).

p.s. After halving our pay, in the weekly meeting this morning the owner has just told us all that we are to support the hated sales guy. When I mentioned that it was a two way street, he said no, it's not, you're expected to support him no matter how he treats you. Unfuckingbelievable.