Thinking Out Loud and Possibly Boring the Shit Out of You
I've spent the entire week steaming about work and money and how to cut back so that we can get by on one salary so that I'm not a ball of work related anger or frustration every day. I think if I try to do the work I'm doing now on top of caring for the shrimp and our 5 other mostly helpless living creatures I might just go clinically insane. As much as I want it solved like, now, there is really no way to know if we can do it until we try. I've been reading "I Don't Know How She Does It" about a working mom who feels desperately torn between her home life and her work life both of which she loves equally. It makes me feel lucky that I don't have that attachment to my work life right now. I'm glad I'll (hopefully) have some time to re-assess what I want out of a job before having to return to one. My only dilemma is how to afford to be out of a job. I'd say that's a pretty good dilemma to have.
We're still thinking of cutting down to one car, and I think I'm going to cut our cable back to only local channels. We got rid of the movie channels about a year ago and haven't missed them at all. But, no TLC? I'm not sure if I can handle that.
I'm acutely aware that Kent will feel more pressure if I'm not bringing in any money at all. I hate that. The last thing I want is for him to feel like he has no options when it comes to work. We decided together that one of us staying home is our ideal, and I know he feels good about the decision. It's just hard for me to watch him have disagreements, or issues at work and know that he feels a bit stuck as he's the primary (and maybe soon, the only) breadwinner. I feel guilty for even trying to make it so that I can quit while he's dealing with similar work stress and doesn't really have the option to quit without another job lined up.
Tomorrow marks the beginning of the last trimester of our first pregnancy. In these last months we have so many decisions to make, and things to take care of, and good lord things to buy. I have a feeling it's going to fly by. I'm both happy and sad about that. Maybe some things will just have to be left up on the air for us to figure out as we go along. Kind of like caring for a baby for the first time. I think I'm OK with that.
Does anyone know how long is standard for maternity leave? I've read 12 weeks, but my company is only offering me 6 (unpaid of course). They're really small so maybe they can do that. Just wondering.
We're still thinking of cutting down to one car, and I think I'm going to cut our cable back to only local channels. We got rid of the movie channels about a year ago and haven't missed them at all. But, no TLC? I'm not sure if I can handle that.
I'm acutely aware that Kent will feel more pressure if I'm not bringing in any money at all. I hate that. The last thing I want is for him to feel like he has no options when it comes to work. We decided together that one of us staying home is our ideal, and I know he feels good about the decision. It's just hard for me to watch him have disagreements, or issues at work and know that he feels a bit stuck as he's the primary (and maybe soon, the only) breadwinner. I feel guilty for even trying to make it so that I can quit while he's dealing with similar work stress and doesn't really have the option to quit without another job lined up.
Tomorrow marks the beginning of the last trimester of our first pregnancy. In these last months we have so many decisions to make, and things to take care of, and good lord things to buy. I have a feeling it's going to fly by. I'm both happy and sad about that. Maybe some things will just have to be left up on the air for us to figure out as we go along. Kind of like caring for a baby for the first time. I think I'm OK with that.
Does anyone know how long is standard for maternity leave? I've read 12 weeks, but my company is only offering me 6 (unpaid of course). They're really small so maybe they can do that. Just wondering.
posted by Kathryn @ 3:17 PM
10 Comments:
At 6:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
The maternity leave issue is interesting. I didn't realize they could give you leave with no pay. I have often heard 6 weeks but I thought it was paid and that if you took another 6 they wouldn't fire you but it was unpaid. I guess it is just different by company. Instead I get none since i am the company. That is an interesting dilemma for me in itself.
At 8:31 PM,
lonna said…
"The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Perhaps one of the most confusing and misunderstood employment laws, for both employees and employers. Here are the basics: Employers with 50 or more employees (including part-time or those on leave), who work within a 75 mile radius, and who have worked for at least a year (or 1,250 hours during the previous 12 months) are eligible for up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year. After the employee has exhausted his or her leave, he or she is entitled to their old position, or another similar position with the similar duties and pay. Also, under FMLA, whether an employee is entitled to a raise or promotion cannot be affected by FMLA. What is this 12-week leave for? In the easy cases, it’s granted for caring for a newborn baby, or a parent or spouse who is seriously ill (or if the employee has just been granted an adoption or 24 hour foster care). However, this leave eligibility expires one year after birth, adoption, or foster care begins, though mothers may begin their leave before giving birth if they are unable to work."
I hadn't worked here for one year when I had Dermot so all I got was what vacation time I had saved up. So I had six weeks, which was certainly not enough. Some places offer some paid time and some non-paid time it's all up to the company. You can also use your sick and vacation time beyond those 12 weeks. I would just like to get on my soap box here and bitch about how awful the US is for maternity leave. We have the absolute worst policy of the major first world countries. Some countries give moms up to 5 years off with reduced pay. I think that in Canada you get a full year off, but I don't know if it's with pay or not. Our government is all talk and no action when it comes to taking care of kids.
At 9:51 PM,
Kathryn said…
Wow, thanks lonna! Who the hell can afford 12 weeks with no pay and keep a baby in diapers? It seems like family, and kids are something else our society supports in theory, but not in reality.
I read the other day that some group estimated a SAHM's job if it paid anything at all would be worth a 100,000+ salary.
At 11:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
Hey, Kat! I know all of this is really hard, and so many decisions seem to come from having one little baby! We never thought we could make it with only one salary, but we have somehow managed. It's not easy, but is worth it....Camaryn is so happy, and we are so attached to her! If you cut back to one car, maybe you could get something inexpensive for you to just putter around in?? I would die if I never got out of the house, we try to go somewhere every day, even if it is just the post office! Hang in there, it will all work out for the best....
At 9:49 AM,
Missuz J said…
Babies and work and money and husbands--fuck dude. The combination is enough to make any woman run screaming.
I only had sick leave--since I went to 1/2 time after I had Soph--which translated into 4 weeks. Not NEARLY enough--even though I only worked every other day.
Can I say without sounding like a stalker that I love your posts--I love living through that last bit of pregnancy vicariously through you? You're a fun, strong, smart lady--and everything will be fine.
At 10:52 AM,
Kathryn said…
Missuzj just made me cry, in a good way. Thanks you guys, seriously.
At 8:49 AM,
Anonymous said…
I was young (22) and not married, a hippy-chick, no job when I had Jason(1971). I just really always felt that somehow all would work out..because in my heart/soul I knew I was doing the "right" thing.
It was hard doing it all and alone I had no car, tv, or anything really.. I used cloth diapers..with no washing machine..so,I stomped around on them in the tub like Lucy in the grape vat..and hung them in the sun.I breast fed so, that was free..and I relied on our government to fill in on food and health care. ( about the only time in my life the gov did anything for me).
I had no support from friends or family eveyone thought I was making a bad choice.
Jason slept on the floor on the mattress with me.and I moved alot in his first 3 years until he was old enough for preschool and I could get a job.
looking back it was hard..compared to all the bells and whistles you kids seem to have for your kids today..got the carseats and strollers and on and on and the amount of money you spend on those plastic diapers..I know they are convient..but they do hang in the landfills.
So, I quess what I am gettin at I would have not changed my choice at all..cause kids you know.. all they feel is what you feel..Jason and I were/are very happy together..he was/is my best friend(and he is 34 with a family of his own now).
Then I marry when he was 9 and move to Colorado..and life married or not still has its trials.
Thats just life..I hate that you are so angry at that stupid job thing..there are jobs you could mabe get online?..not mabe as mind enhancing..but medical billing is one..or you could sell on Ebay for other folks and take a commission.
I guess I really don't have any answers,but trust.
I love you and I can't wait to meet Ellis..Auntie, C*atherine
At 9:03 AM,
hazel said…
what a dilemma. you're right, though, that the only thing you can do is just do it and see how it goes. the worst that could happen is that you realize that you can't do it on one salary and you get another job. (I think I remember that you don't like your job to begin with, right? or at least someone at your job?)
nicole (nme) may have some good words of advice for you.
as far as maternity leave, it's all up to the company. and I think your company may be too small for fmla, and the law is that you have to use all vacation and sick days first. it's really just for emergencies, I think.
here, we had a sliding scale that depends on your seniority. I worked from home after bella, but I was a contractor, so I only got paid when I worked. I came back full time in january, she was born on halloween. I felt like it was enough time, but it's never easy. having someone else care for your newborn is FRIGHTENING.
At 10:51 AM,
Kathryn said…
Aunt C*
Thanks for the perspective!! We're making a list of things that we feel are absolutely necessary to have before the baby comes (which is surprisingly small), and leaving the rest for later, if ever.
Right now I am able to decompress about work stuff once Kent gets home. He helps make it all better ;)
I just worry about having to deal with a screaming infant at the same time I'm worked up (punny!) about work stuff. I wonder if I'll still be able to decompress after a day of double stressors like that.
At 3:59 PM,
Anonymous said…
Katie, dear girl..of course you know worry ain't nuthin , but an incredible waist of your time and pretty non productive..and gets all kinds of nasty chemical reactions goin' on in your already too busy body..so, pray..or breathe..or meditate or go for a walk when the worry begins.
If the baby is cryin'soothe him, feed him, change him, walk him, hold him, distract him..and take his temp..if the last is good..then just ride with it..nothing lasts!
If you have lower income with only hubby's check..then you qualify for lots of stuff ..especially in the medical arena..and who knows what else the state of T has to offer..go for it ..use it..our hispanic neighbors come to our country and use the system..why don't you.
I am sure you have been paying ol uncle bubba Dubya your fair share..let him help you in kind.
Really ..Once Ellis is here I think some of your fears will be put in their place and you will enjoy the magic of it all..don't waist any of those moments..they go all too quickly..ask your mom.
Walk..and dream of the best case scenario for yourself ..anything is possible,but the universe really likes you to be clear so, it can provide. Walk in Peace, Auntie C*
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