The Night Life Ain't No Good Life
The other night Kent and I were lying in bed talking and the subject somehow turned to all of the crazy people and things that happened during our loft living days. We ended up laughing our asses off and thanking our stars that we got out of there with nothing but a bit of liver damage. The building itself was art and there was an art gallery in the lobby where they would host exhibits and hold receptions for the artists. It was a lovely place to live. Some of the people who lived there were crazy though. Here are just a few things that happened:
1. Our next door neighbor got kicked out of the building after he was caught on the security camera getting a blow job from a transvestite stripper after a party in our shared garage. (He was the one who told us this by the way). He ended up moving home to Arkansas to live with his father instead of having his father visit his cool new place as they had planned.
2. Our new next door neighbor's ex girlfriend went into a rage and set his car on fire in our shared garage. The blaze was big enough to set off the sprinkler system in our place and charred his car down to the metal. Somehow my jeep which was parked right across the garage was stinky but unhurt. The cops and fireman were there for 3 hours trying to put the thing out.
3. We moved units after that and were woken up in the middle of the night by a blood curdling scream coming from next door. There was horrible shouting and a barking dog. The woman was yelling please don't kill me. We called the cops but of course she didn't press charges and we heard many more scuffles after that one.
4. The very snooty, very respected heir to the Pillsbury fortune lived on the third floor. He was notorious for not speaking to anyone in the halls or elevator and always had his mistress with him when his lovely French wife was out of town. He swerved his BMW into the parking lot one night so drunk that he literally whipped it out and pissed right there next to his car. Then he barely made it to the elevator without falling. I wish I could give you a better visual, but the guy wasn't young. He was my mom's age pissing in the middle of the parking lot where anyone looking out their window could see.
5. One night some guy asked Kent if he had a tool they needed to take apart some furniture because he was helping someone move out of the building. Kent said yes and went to help and I went up to our loft. He had been gone for quite a while so I went to check on him and walked into the unit they were moving. As I walked into the hall I walked right past 4 huge black guns leaning against the wall. We both got the hell out as fast as we could. Kent said later that they were AK47s and when the guy noticed Kent looking at them, he gave him a look of warning and moved them into the hall. Fucking scary shit.
1. Our next door neighbor got kicked out of the building after he was caught on the security camera getting a blow job from a transvestite stripper after a party in our shared garage. (He was the one who told us this by the way). He ended up moving home to Arkansas to live with his father instead of having his father visit his cool new place as they had planned.
2. Our new next door neighbor's ex girlfriend went into a rage and set his car on fire in our shared garage. The blaze was big enough to set off the sprinkler system in our place and charred his car down to the metal. Somehow my jeep which was parked right across the garage was stinky but unhurt. The cops and fireman were there for 3 hours trying to put the thing out.
3. We moved units after that and were woken up in the middle of the night by a blood curdling scream coming from next door. There was horrible shouting and a barking dog. The woman was yelling please don't kill me. We called the cops but of course she didn't press charges and we heard many more scuffles after that one.
4. The very snooty, very respected heir to the Pillsbury fortune lived on the third floor. He was notorious for not speaking to anyone in the halls or elevator and always had his mistress with him when his lovely French wife was out of town. He swerved his BMW into the parking lot one night so drunk that he literally whipped it out and pissed right there next to his car. Then he barely made it to the elevator without falling. I wish I could give you a better visual, but the guy wasn't young. He was my mom's age pissing in the middle of the parking lot where anyone looking out their window could see.
5. One night some guy asked Kent if he had a tool they needed to take apart some furniture because he was helping someone move out of the building. Kent said yes and went to help and I went up to our loft. He had been gone for quite a while so I went to check on him and walked into the unit they were moving. As I walked into the hall I walked right past 4 huge black guns leaning against the wall. We both got the hell out as fast as we could. Kent said later that they were AK47s and when the guy noticed Kent looking at them, he gave him a look of warning and moved them into the hall. Fucking scary shit.
posted by Kathryn @ 3:42 PM
6 Comments:
At 9:26 PM,
lonna said…
That's just crazy. Our neighbors were always just undergrads, so we only really had to deal with loud stuff going on next door.
I can't imagine guns. I can't deal with normal guns, much less big guns. Jesus.
At 9:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
Kat- I have a hospital list if you need one- what to take. I don't have your email, but mine is gwensawyer@yahoo.com....Email me and I'll send it over! I made it for one of my sister's friends!
At 11:56 AM,
amandak said…
Wow, adventures in loft living indeed. We never had anything as fun as all that. We only got the totally out of control 4 year old boy child living upstairs from us whose parents let him jump from the bed to the floor, run to the front room, then jump from the couch to the floor, incessantly, starting at about 6am every Saturday morning, and he was only armed with a sharp stick. Although, I'm pretty sure he's graduated to handguns at least by now.
At 2:53 PM,
hazel said…
holy shit!!! fucking ak47s?? I can't even imagine what he'd be hiding if those were in plain site.
great stories. we only had partying and puking teenagers downstairs from us. oh, and there were all the crazies that I lived with when I was in section 8. that's best left in the past.
At 9:45 PM,
NME said…
My goodness. Are you sure you weren't taking part in some wacky made for cable series? I'd suspect the Brits except for the AK47s.
At 9:02 AM,
Missuz J said…
Damn! Sounds a bit like my old neighborhood. I won't go into details, but lots of fights--drugs--etc.
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