It's the Country Music Capital Ya'll

Tonight I'm flying to Nashville to see my long lost pregnant soul sistah Drew! I'm so excited to see her and her belly I can hardly stand it. I'm sure there will be lots of food and non-alcoholic fun to be had. Preferably with some Dolly Parton thrown in there somewhere. Pictures on Monday!

Tonight Kent leaves for a 10 day biking trip to Moab, UT with the guys, or as I like to call them wives #2-4. I'm so glad he's getting to do this trip, but I HATE it when he's gone this long. Usually I pass the time in drunken debauchery but this time I'll have to be a bit more creative.

In other news, the nursery is almost finished! The only things left are bedding and changing table pads and stuff like that. It feels so good. Thanks again to all of you for your advice. I've printed out all the comments and I'm keeping them handy!

Ya'll have a good weekend now ya hear.

Thanks Footballers Wives

Now I'm worried that the shrimp will be a hermaphrodite. I really love that show.

Will I Ever Think About Anything Else Again? I'm Starting To Bore Myself

Good lord I'm tired. Like first trimester tired. Is it wrong I'm hoping to welcome the shrimp a couple of weeks early? I mean, as long as he's ready I think 38 weeks is an excellent time to make an arrival. Last weekend I had my husband all to myself for the first time in, well I can't remember when the last time was. It was amazingly wonderful! I even got him to help come up me with a budget and put our new bassinet/co sleeper together.

The budgeting was quite informative and has me thinking even more about ways we can cut back so that I can quit that god forsaken job of mine. Many of which I won't bore you with here (I'm boring myself just thinking about all of this shit). But I do have some baby gear questions for you moms. (This means you too, people who never comment but have young babies!!)

1. Anyone know anything about cloth vs. disposable diapers (like, are they cheaper and if they are are they worth the hastle)
2. I purchased this because it looks really snuggly for the baby. But it got here and WTF? It's just one big long piece of fabric. You have to watch a fucking instructional video to learn how to wrap it right. Will I learn to do it quickly enough or should I get something else? Any suggestions?
3. We have a crib, the bassinet/co sleeper thingy, travel system (car seat and stroller), a weeks worth of onesies, a big box of newborn diapers, a baby bathtub, and three bottles. Can anyone think of anything else that we need to get before the baby comes? I just have no clue what is really helpful and what is a waste of money.

And now for the best part, on Saturday Osh Kosh was having going out of business sale so we got this outfit for the shrimp. He's going to look just like his daddy!

Shrimp Week #28 (Notice the SWEATER!!!)

28 Weeks
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

With his eyesight maturing, your baby can actually see light through the womb and will even turn toward a light now. You may start experiencing more uncomfortable symptoms, like restless legs that make it hard to sleep at night. Soon you'll see why it's all worth it, though! And if you haven't already, it's time to nail down your maternity leave plans. (insert bitter laughter here)

Never Say Never

A couple years ago I was out with my friend who has a son. I was asking her all those annoying questions that childless women ask those who have done it and she offered up this advice.

"Time it so that you're not pregnant much when it's hot out. I remember being so hot I was sitting around my house all day in just a bra and panties."

This horrified me. Sitting around with your huge pregnant body hanging out everywhere? I would NEVER do that, never, never, never.

Yeah. Never say never.

Tucker Hides From The Dauggers

Tucker
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

Look at the "travel system" my mom got us all the way from Canada! Tucker really likes the storage thingy under there.

I'm It

Can I just say, I love being tagged? Thanks MissuzJ!

10 years ago: I was a senior in high school, listening to Alanis and Bush as loud as possible in my '88 Mazda 323. I went to school half days and worked half days at a huge telecommunications company. It was fun. I was in year number 3 with the 'why did I waste so much time on him whiny loser idiot'. I think that was the year he broke his toe when he kicked a chair because he was so mad at me for not looking at him the right way. Good times.

5 years ago: Kent and I were looking around for our first place together, we'd been together for almost a year. We moved into the lofts in January right after our 1 year dating anniversary. I was working for the Nazi's, I mean, Texas Instruments who fired me shortly thereafter for refusing to remove my nose ring that they hadn't even noticed for the first few months I had it.

1 year ago: One year ago I had been married for one year! Kent was camping in Moab after moving his trip so that we could both participate in our friends' wedding. Half of the couple (hi Larry!) was living at our house in the guest room with his lovely bride soon to follow. We were having a difficult time adjusting to the costs of homeownership while also shelling out for exta stuff, but we got through it. I was busy, busy, busy, helping to tie up all the wedding loose ends. Their anniversary is October 30th. Happy almost anniversary guys!

5 snacks: Jello pudding, popcorn, Klondike Reeces, string cheese, french fries

5 songs I know all the words to: Glycerine (Bush), American Pie (Don McLean), Baby Beluga (Raffi), Firecracker (Lisa Loeb), Born on the Bayou (CCR)

5 things with 100 mil: Move to Vancouver, pay for my brother's school, open a bike shop for Kent, sock half away for the shrimp and his future sibling(s), buy my dream car a Volvo station wagon (yes that's my dream car bitches)

5 things I'd never wear: a side ponytail, high wasted tapered jeans, a muumuu, a mullet, theme sweaters especially those with little animals sewn on.

5 favorite tv shows: The X-Files, Lost, Footballers Wives, The Office (original AND the US version), Buffy

5 (and 1/2) biggest joys: This is going to be boring but true; Kent, Chloe, Bella, Tucker, Ross, and the Shrimp

5 favorite toys: my camera, the internet, the daugger's tennis ball, Super Mario Brothers 3, new make up

If you haven't done this yet and you have a blog, consider yourself tagged.

2nd anninversary

2nd anninversary
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

Two Years And Counting

When Kent and I started dating we were in a party phase. I had played by the rules my entire life and I was sick of it. I was ready to let loose, be crazy, have some freakin fun already and see if it suited me. He was still in his I'm divorced and now I'm going to show everyone how OK I am with that by going out all the time phase. (He had been divorced for several years already when we met.) We were well suited; for the short term. Neither of us was thinking about anything more than next week. That didn't last long. I think I've said before here that I knew I wanted to marry Kent within a couple of months of dating him. At that time, he felt the same way. For about a week. Then the fear crept in. Thus began a 4 year long dance between the fear and our relationship.

I could go on for days about how this push and pull manifested itself in our relationship. It wasn't something we talked about very often, but it was there. In every fight, in every happy moment, it was there. Sometimes it was dealt with head on. Those were the scary, horrid, no solution to our problem talks we both hated. I wanted to get married, he didn't ever again. Where do you go from there? We always ended those talks with the feeling that above anything else, we didn't want to be apart from each other. I can't explain why we stuck it out really. I just had faith in my heart and in my gut. I knew what an amazing man he was and knew that whatever was meant to happen would happen as long as we were honest with ourselves and each other.

I say all of this by way of explaining what a huge thing it was for him to marry me two years ago today. When he slipped that ring on my finger, he was a changed man and I was a changed woman. All of the fear that had hung over us for so long really truly disappeared that night on the beach. In fact, Kent told me later that he was excruciatingly nervous until the moment that he saw me. At that moment he felt a calm and a peace come over him. That night at sunset we promised to love each other, to live together, to grow old and change together, and to each do our damndest to keep our relationship alive with possibilities. I had no idea it would be so easy.


I didn't expected Kent to change when I married him. But honestly as my husband he has surpassed even my highest hopes. He was always loving and generous and kind but now he is even more so. I wrote down in my journal things that I never want to forget from that day:
1. Kent telling me I look "stunning"
2. The feeling of peace and security we both felt after the ceremony
3. Kent spread pink rose petals on the bed for our wedding night
4. The incredible red moon over the ocean
The rose petals are particularly significant to me. Our wedding was very low key. I went barefoot for God sakes. I didn't choose a bouquet months in advance because they're just flowers and I didn't even really think about the bouquet because I didn't know what I would be drawn to on that day anyway. So on the day of the wedding my mom and I went to the store and chose some pink roses. The same pink roses that Kent chose to spread on our bed when he went to the same store within the same hour we had been there. We hadn't seen or spoken to each other all day. That's pretty symbolic of how our marriage has gone since that day.


Baby, I am so incredibly lucky to have you as my husband. You keep me on my toes. You listen to my needs. You take into account my feelings. You make time for me when I need it. You make me caramel popcorn. You put up with me when I get crazy. You watch foreign movies. You have an open mind. You take my frantic tech support calls even when you're busy at work. You sacrificed being with me on our first anniversary so that you could participate in my friend's wedding. You watch public television while I sleep with my head in your lap. You tell me and show me you love me every single day. You're creative. You are everything I ever wanted and more.


I know that we probably won't always have it this easy. Who knows what our future holds. But Kent, there's no one I'd rather be on this ride with. I love you baby. Happy Anniversary two years and counting.

Shrimp Week #27

Your frisky fetus is on another growth spurt, shooting up half an inch this week to measure about 14 inches from head to toe. He weighs roughly 2 1/2 pounds, and will gain approximately half a pound each week for the next 10 weeks. The average full-term baby weighs about 7 1/2 pounds and measures from 18 to 20 1/2 inches, but many normal, healthy babies fall outside this range. Unless your practitioner has told you of a potential problem, it's safe to assume that your little one is right on track.

And on a personal note; maternity underwear bloody ROCK MY WORLD.

I Think My Subconscious Is Trying To Tell Me Something

Last night I had a dream that Kent and I went to a video store to rent something. While he was checking out I went to the quite sizeable porn section to look for a video and spent so long looking that he had to come find me. I kept refusing to leave so he had to literally pick me up and carry me out of the store telling me we weren't going to buy porn today.

Thinking Out Loud and Possibly Boring the Shit Out of You

I've spent the entire week steaming about work and money and how to cut back so that we can get by on one salary so that I'm not a ball of work related anger or frustration every day. I think if I try to do the work I'm doing now on top of caring for the shrimp and our 5 other mostly helpless living creatures I might just go clinically insane. As much as I want it solved like, now, there is really no way to know if we can do it until we try. I've been reading "I Don't Know How She Does It" about a working mom who feels desperately torn between her home life and her work life both of which she loves equally. It makes me feel lucky that I don't have that attachment to my work life right now. I'm glad I'll (hopefully) have some time to re-assess what I want out of a job before having to return to one. My only dilemma is how to afford to be out of a job. I'd say that's a pretty good dilemma to have.

We're still thinking of cutting down to one car, and I think I'm going to cut our cable back to only local channels. We got rid of the movie channels about a year ago and haven't missed them at all. But, no TLC? I'm not sure if I can handle that.

I'm acutely aware that Kent will feel more pressure if I'm not bringing in any money at all. I hate that. The last thing I want is for him to feel like he has no options when it comes to work. We decided together that one of us staying home is our ideal, and I know he feels good about the decision. It's just hard for me to watch him have disagreements, or issues at work and know that he feels a bit stuck as he's the primary (and maybe soon, the only) breadwinner. I feel guilty for even trying to make it so that I can quit while he's dealing with similar work stress and doesn't really have the option to quit without another job lined up.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the last trimester of our first pregnancy. In these last months we have so many decisions to make, and things to take care of, and good lord things to buy. I have a feeling it's going to fly by. I'm both happy and sad about that. Maybe some things will just have to be left up on the air for us to figure out as we go along. Kind of like caring for a baby for the first time. I think I'm OK with that.

Does anyone know how long is standard for maternity leave? I've read 12 weeks, but my company is only offering me 6 (unpaid of course). They're really small so maybe they can do that. Just wondering.

I Heart Halloween Candy

I thought I'd be proactive and buy some candy early since I was at the store and it was on sale. I bought one bag of Milky Way minis, one bag of 3 Musketeers minis, and one mixed bag of all kinds of crap. It took Kent and me exactly 4 days to go through the chocolate and we're currently halfway through the bag 'o crap. Which is why I was shocked, shocked I tell you when I was weighed at the doctor today. I've only gained 1/2 a pound in three weeks. It was the second time in a week I've wanted to kiss a nurse on the lips. The shrimp is doing great too. But come on a 1/2 pound! It's like puberty except then everything I ate went to my boobs. It's going to really suck going back to not being able to eat anything. Until then, bring on the Milky Ways.

This Weekend's Theme: Splat

This weekend, we broadened our social circle. And it was painful. On Saturday our next door neighbor came over to ask us to a poker game. We've spoken to them more than anyone else in the neighborhood. This amounts to around 5 times in the last year and a half. It's to Kent's credit that he makes me go to these things because although we always have fun the thought of meeting a house full of new people makes my palms sweat and gives me the immediate impulse to crawl into a corner in the fetal position for the rest of the night rocking myself. I wish I were exaggerating.

We went, we ate, we watched all of the kids run amuck which is still rather like watching a National Geographic profile of some strange and far away tribe. There were about 10 of them, all elementary and middle school aged. I wanted to take notes right there on the poker table.

All of the couples were at least 10 years older than me which was weird. It was like playing poker with my parents. Well, a younger version of them anyway. They kept the radio on a light rock station for the entire night and kept saying things like "I played this song at my sweet 16". And trust me, they weren't talking about Nirvana. So it was a bit surreal in that regard but everyone was very, very warm and friendly and we had a good time.

At one point during the night one of the women got up to get a cream puff (yes, they had freaking cream puffs at poker). As she was taking her first step she caught her foot on the folding chair and went splat on the floor. We all just kind of sat frozen for a couple of seconds waiting for her to move, then when we saw that she was OK we could not stop laughing. Poor woman couldn't live it down for the rest of the night. Everyone just kept saying they were glad it wasn't me, the preggo, who fell.

Sunday was our friends son's (English teachers are instructed to ignore my horrendous use of the possessive.) 1st birthday party. We gave Kent's friend a ride to the party as well and on the way there we were telling him all about the night before and how funny it was when that woman ate shit. When we arrived I opened the Jeep door and put one foot down on the ground thinking that it would be safer than the curb, lest I slip off. What I failed to take into account was the fallen leaves in the street were slippery. My foot slipped on the leaves before the other leg made it all the way out of the car and I went splat. On my belly. On our baby.

I don't even remember falling. I just remember coming to my senses on my right side and assessing any damage. It didn't hurt when I hit my tummy. In fact, my belly felt fine. The only thing that hurt at all was my arm which I scraped on the way down. Because nothing hurt it took a couple of minutes for the panic to set in. Kent was at my side in .2 seconds and I was able to tell him that I fell on the baby and we needed to go to the hospital to make sure he was OK before I lost my shit.

Then, the white noise of panic entered my head and I couldn't think anymore. I was just trying to concentrate on feeling our baby move. Which he wasn't. By the time they made me get into the wheelchair to take me to labor and delivery my mind was shutting down completely. The first thing they asked is if the baby was moving and I had to tell them no. I went from being scared to just completely unable to deal with the possibility that he might not be OK. It's an over used phrase but I can honestly say I have never been so scared in my entire life.

They made me undress, put on a hospital gown and get into one of the beds all while asking me 3 million different ways how I fell. I know they were screening for abuse but good lord I just wanted to scream "MY HUSBAND DIDN'T DO THIS LEAVE HIM ALONE HE'S SCARED TO DEATH TOO."

I was, in my daze, just following the nurses orders. Kent thank God had the presence of mind to ask her if she could please try to get a heartbeat right away so that we could stop panicking. She promptly strapped me to the fetal monitor and for what felt like an hour, said nothing. We heard nothing. I felt nothing. Finally Kent asked if there was one and she was like "Oh, yeah, it's right there. Let me turn the volume up so you can hear it."

I wanted to kiss her and smack her all at the same time.

Once she strapped the monitors around my belly, the shrimp got annoyed and started trying to kick them right off. We were both monitored for an hour just to be sure everything looked good. So for an entire hour we got to listen to his heartbeat get louder and fainter as he swam closer and farther from the monitor. The best part was hearing him kick me at the same time I felt it. He was trying so hard to get those straps off that my stomach kept jumping. He was perfectly fine.

Being that frightened is exhausting. I don't think I've really fully recovered from the stress of it yet. Today my arm is very sore and my knee is as well so I'm pretty sure they got the worst of the impact. I'm a klutz even without this big belly throwing off my balance and after yesterday I'm scared to leave the house by myself. Everything looks like a danger. I want to burn my car (or at least get rid of it). But we can't afford to get a new one yet so it looks like I'll have to get over it. The most important thing is that our little man is OK. He's been letting me know all day how unhappy with me he is for the jolt.

In the end I learned a valuable lesson from all of this: Don't laugh at people when they fall even if it's really funny because Karma, she's a fucking bitch.

Shrimp Week #26

Your Baby
There's an important development in your baby's lungs this week: They begin to secrete surfactant, a fatty substance that covers the inner lining of the air sacs and allows the lungs to expand normally so breathing can occur. Although it will be approximately 10 more weeks before the lungs are fully operational, the production of surfactant is an essential step in making the fetus viable outside the womb.

Shrimpy Shoes

Our son's first pair of shoes. Aren't they cool!

Introspection

Why do I blog? Until last spring I didn't even know what the hell a blog was. One day a link to Dooce showed up on my Yahoo homepage. I have no idea how it got there, but I clicked and I was hooked. I think I devoured her entire archives in two weeks. I laughed out loud. I cried out loud. I began to care about what was happening each new day. I was inspired.

My mom had just moved, and we weren't talking several times a day like we had been. I wanted a way to express my goings on and how I felt about said goings on in a nice easy to read package. For her, and for other family members who I rarely get to see but wanted to get to know. Also, everyone knew we were trying to get pregnant and it was easier for me to chronicle that process online where people could check back instead of constantly being asked if we had been successful yet. After a few months I began to realize that it was becoming something different for me. Writing about things helps me work through them. And this is a time in my life I never, never want to lose touch with. I am a really happy girl!

I think about my parents and wonder if they had been able to get in touch with the people they had been when they were happy together, if that would have made a difference in their marriage. When Ellis asks what went on the year he was born, if he ever wonders what we looked like when we were young, I want to be able to come to these entries and show him exactly what we were like. Not tell him in some vague terms what I remember myself to have been like once. I wish I had the same sort of record from my grandparents and parents.

At my core, I think I am a communicator. I like sharing things about me and my life. I like the thought that through sharing my life, other people might relate to me. I like that I am honing a writing skill that I have long neglected.

But it's no longer just about those things.

We live in a neighborhood that is very quiet. The kids are older (well, elementary and jr. high age) and we are the only couple without kids (who have already popped out). We're by far the youngest people around here. I don't really fit in with the Bunko crowd, and I'm too old and settled to be interesting to the college kids. So blogging gives me a way to connect with other women in a way that would take months to achieve in the real world. It's a trade off for sure. In many ways we know each other very well and in many ways we're complete strangers. But I always know that if I may need some support I can count on my blog friends.

On another topic altogether. Did you notice the counter at the top of the page? We're starting the 100 day countdown people. In the last week I've become noticeably more uncomfortable. I know it's only going to get worse from here. But! Only 99 more days. I feel I should mention also (since I've bitched so much) that the universe must have heard my desperate cry because it's wonderfully chilly here today (mid 60s). No more 90-100 degree days in sight. It's going to be a good last trimester.

Chloe

I think she's made out of rubber.

Katie Holmes Is A Genius

She's going to make more money off of this than she ever would have pimping her own career. Genius I tell you. Oh, and also the visual of them making that baby that will now not leave my head is really, really gross. Although not as gross as the Federline's supposed videotape.

Bibaty Bobaty Boo

CanaMa first met Ellis's Fairy Godmother Trina around 10 years ago. They were both corporate trainers for different companies (one, obviously Canadian) and they hit it off right away. They shared the same philosophies and sense of humor, and very shortly decided that they were "learning sisters." I met Trina in Monrovia California where she and my mom were collaborating on some training. I think I was 17, and she says I was going through my Goth stage (ha!).

Since then we have gotten to know each other better and better each visit. We connect on a different level than she and CanaMa and tend to roll our eyes at the same things CanaMa does. She's many things that I aspire to be. Driven, intelligent, committed to her work and education, brave, and witty. The day we left, she was running for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. She had mentioned that she was afraid it was going to be really sappy and sad, as it had been last year with people wearing signs declaring for whom they were running, and people who had lost their hair walking around with the pink scarves. She decided that she was going to make her own sign that said she was "Running for my right tit".

She exudes effortlessly all of the values and qualities that Kent and I wish for the shrimp. Everything we hope we can pass along to him just comes right through her with seemingly no effort at all. There was never any question who we would ask to raise him should something happen to us. However, had there been it would have disappeared when we were in Vancouver. Trina thanked us one day for helping her finally understand why she'd been having dreams for weeks about babies and being afraid of not knowing how to care for them. She thought initially it was God's way of telling her that it was a good thing that the chemo denied her the chance of having a child, but now she understood the true meaning behind them. We had decided weeks ago that we would ask her but wanted to wait until we were there to do it in person.

The shrimp wouldn't kick for her the entire week the stubborn little shit. But once he's born I predict that she's the one he'll go to when he's mad at us. She'll be the cool one, the fun one, our second in command. Every child should be so lucky.

Shrimp Week #25

Your Baby
The fetus weighs in at 1 1/2 to 2 pounds this week, and measures about a foot from head to toe. Though still skinny and wrinkly (skin hangs loosely until the fetus develops more baby fat), she's growing rapidly and starting to fill the space in your uterus. You'll feel her kicks and pokes more strongly with each passing week, with kick-strength peaking in about a month when she gets too crowded to do anything but squirm.

And She Returned Much Bigger And A Bit Disoriented

I've been to Vancouver once before, when I was 20. My mom and I took a weekend trip for my 20th birthday which was awesome, but short. This trip was much longer and much better since we had such an experienced tour guide in CanaMa. We liked it so much we spent he last two days driving around looking at "For Sale" signs and wishing we made more money. Houses in Vancouver are expensive! But I digress. The best part about the trip was spending time with CanaMa in her new environment. She's been there for 8 months now and it was hard not being able to picture her when we spoke.

It really sucks being back in Texas. Everything feels foreign here now. It's a feeling akin to being uncomfortable in your own skin. Our goal is to get to Vancouver or hella close to it (maybe washington state?) in the next couple of years.


Here's the slideshow.
Most of the boat, seaplane, and water pictures were taken from CanaMa's windows. She's on the corner of her building and two entire sides of her place are all windows. It's absolutely breathtaking.


Some trip highlights:
1. Ellis gained a Canadian fairy godmother (the one with her hand on my belly), yay!! More about her later.

2. CanaMa got her ears pierced after 55 years of swearing up and down that she'd never ever, ever, ever, put holes in her body.

3. Kent rode the North Shore trails that he's been talking about riding since I met him. Trails you can see from CanaMa's living room.

4. Waking up to the mountain sunrise.

5. Canadian people really are as nice as you think. Whenever someone asked where we were from they said two things. "Oh really, you don't have an accent" and "Gosh did you get any damage from the hurricane?"

6. Getting my hair colored (red!) by my mom's stylist, with a new type of color that uses no amonia and is perfectly safe for me to use. She's due two weeks after I am.

7. Getting a spa pedicure and meeting my ankles again for the first time in months after the amazing foot/ankle/calf massage that went along with it. (Seriously, all the swelling just dissapeared like magic.)

8. Being surrounded by raw natural beauty every where I looked.

9. The food. Good Lord all the food.

10. Spending half days alone with my husband on our last adults only trip for a loooooong time.

11. Leaves bigger than my head are everywhere. I've never seen leaves so huge.