16 Week Belly

I cropped my head out because my double chin got so large this week that I didn't recognize myself. And today I had to purchase a new bra. The size? Fucking 40 DD, sweet Jesus what are those things gonna do when they fill with milk?

Celebrities Are Tiny Even When Preggo

This is 8 months pregnant? I'm thinking my belly's gonna be more like this. Plus, you know, I'll have the pregnant arms and fat ass and face that she was apparently spared. And I'm completely OK with that. (repeat as needed every time one sees a tiny pregnant person.)

Dinner Conversation

Me: Wanna see my new stretch marks?

Him: Let me finish eating first.

Me: Excuse me?

Him: Well, how would you like it if I asked you to look at a boil on my butt during dinner.

Me: OK fucker, explain to me how those two things are even remotely the same?

Him: Chewing, chewing, chewing

Actually he's not far off. My lower abdomen is beginning to resemble Freddie Kreuger's face.

End of an Era

Today is the last day I'll be working full time for the foreseeable future. It's very exciting but more than that, very scary. As much as I've complained about work and working from like the minute I got my first job, having a job to do, and a place to go, and something to accomplish every day gives each day a purpose. I realize how sad that sounds, but understand I'm not talking about anything really deep here, my Husband gives me purpose, my family gives me purpose, etc. But day to day, it's nice to have a goal handed to you and it's a good feeling when you accomplish it. I'll still be doing a day to day task (yeah, you know that thing I really, really, really hate to do). But in all honesty it probably won't take more than 2 hours a day. So while I'm technically supposed to be working 4 hours, I'll have a whole hell of a lot of day to have to structure for myself. I haven't had to do that since pre-school. And actually CanaMa probably had me on some sort of routine even then.

Which brings me to another concern. I've always known that if I had kids I'd want to stay home with them. I don't have any opinions about day care vs. home care or anything, I've just always known that staying home is what felt right for me. I've heard people talk about the isolation one feels, and the challenges it brings. I've pictured it and dreamed about what it might be like. But now I'm going to get a big fat taste of what it will be like to be home by myself (i.e. no adults) everyday all day long. I'm nervous about it for two reasons. One because on the couple of days a week I've been working at home, I get more excited than is cool to see Husband walk in the door at the end of the day. If he has something to do that night I get a depressed at the thought of spending the evening alone as well. I worry how this will affect me (and Husband) once the baby comes. And two because more than anything else it snaps into reality that holy shit, we're having a child very soon and it's time to start seriously preparing. What the hell am I going to do with a child all day?

The good news is I'm a homebody by nature. Maybe it won't be as difficult for me to deal with because of this. To be honest I wasn't even aware I was feeling most of these things until I started typing this entry. I know this for sure. I am so lucky to live when I do. I know that I have options. If I'm no good at staying home with my kiddo I can go back to work and no one (well no one sane anyway) will think I'm a bad person. Options are good.

Shrimp Week #16

Your Baby This Week
Your little one has hiccups! An involuntary movement of the diaphragm causes these painless contractions. In adults, this movement is followed by closure of the vocal cords (making the familiar "hic" noise); because the baby's trachea is filled with fluid rather than air, fetal hiccups don't generate sound. The frequency of hiccups varies widely, with some babies experiencing several bouts a day and others never seeming to get them at all. By the sixth month, you'll be able to "see" fetal hiccups as they occur--they'll make your belly jump.

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To celebrate week number 16 my tummy added a few more stretch marks to the collection which I found this morning. To celebrate the stretch marks I ate a roll of Mentos and a bag of Tropical Skittles. Nothing but the best refined crap for my baby.

Tara Reid's Ass

Back when I wore short skirts I was always totally paranoid that this would happen to me. Thank God it never did. Or at least I was too drunk to notice and no one had a camera.

It's a Veritable Treasure Trove

Apparently these weekly emails are daily now. I know the first thing on my mind every morning isn't if I'll be able to handle this baby, or if the baby is still OK in there. It's damn these fine lines and wrinkles.

Week 16: Will the Botox Have to Wait?
"Is Botox use considered safe during pregnancy?"
Hoping to find the fountain of youth before you become the fountain of milk — and before those late nights with baby start showing under your eyes? Thinking of turning to (or keeping up with) Botox or other wrinkle-erasing injections during your pregnancy? Well, think twice. Since no Botox studies have been done on pregnant women, there's no way to determine the safety of this popular wrinkle-eradicator. (There have been animal studies that show an association with fetal abnormalities, but since you're not pregnant with a mouse, it's hard to extrapolate from mouse study to human.) So it's better to play it safe (and slightly wrinkled) than sorry.

Luckily, you may find yourself sporting that recently refreshed look anyway when you're expecting — without having to go eye-to-needle with a vial of Botox. That's because normal fluid retention during pregnancy puffs up your face, filling out those unwanted crow's-feet and so-called character lines, while hormonal changes can step up oil production in your skin — adding a youthful glow (and maybe, a few youthful zits). So don't worry, be happy about those laugh lines — and if you can't be happy about them, look forward to sticking it to them once the baby's arrived.

Helpful Hints

This was a part of my weekly "What To Expect When You're Expecting" email today

Week 15: It's Not Fat
Each week we'll send you a note to share with the dad-to-be in your life. Pass it on!
Say it again: It's not fat, it's not fat, it's not fat. FAT is a four-letter word right now, and she spends every minute of every day wondering if her body will ever return to its original shape. If you know what's good for you, you will banish the word "fat" from your vocabulary starting now. If you absolutely need to reference your wife's size, memorize this scientifically correct synonym: maternal storage tissue.


Good to know my ass isn't "fat" it's a "maternal storage tissue recepticle".

15 Weeks and Da Crib

Don't I look thrilled? I think I was telling him not to get my face right then. Oh, and pregnancy arms suck my ass hard. We took this Sunday night, notice the puffy eyes.




This one is much more flattering and I think shows my bump a little better.




Yo Yo Shrimpy's Criiiib. I loved it because it looks so I Love Lucy or something.

Weekend Update

There are some days when I feel like I am not made to be around other people. When everything I do even if I'm trying hard to be positive, just ends up falling to pieces and pissing everyone off. Sunday morning and early afternoon was one of those days. On top of that I have the emotional control of a 13 year old right now and you can imagine how much fun it was at my house. Part of the problem was that Husbands friend who is staying with us had is fiancé up to visit this weekend. She is very, very sweet and once before we were dating Husband told me that she had the best body he had ever seen in person. It is perfect and naturally so. And she was in her bikini in our pool. There was a time when I would not have felt intimidated by this. But yesterday was not one of those days. My ass is getting bigger every day and I can't do anything about it. In the past I would have done a crash diet the minute I found out she was coming so I would feel better about myself. The thought of being in a bathing suit next to her and being compared to her perfectness (because that's what men do) was too much. Husband says "honey, your pregnant" like that gives me a free pass for being fat. Which is very nice, but we both know I wasn't thin to start with. It is not easy feeling inadequate. People say to me "oh you're just being silly you have nothing to worry about". I don't know why I don't feel thin/pretty/outgoing/ambitious/insert insecurity here/ enough, but I can tell you that it doesn't invalidate my feelings just because other people think it's silly for me to feel that way.

Sunday evening was better. We made our first big baby purchase, a crib. It's really cute and old fashioned looking. We got it from a second hand store around the corner who specializes in baby stuff. Our town is baby central so it's all still really new and great. I was just looking for a changing table but we walked out with the perfect crib. It's starting to feel more and more real.

Then we went to see Wedding Crashers (said fiancé’s birthday choice). I kept thinking, why? Why did they feel the need to remake every stupid wedding/redemption move ever and roll it into one big shit bomb? This is an actual line from the movie "Most of the people are just here to suckle from the power teet." This is not a punch line, it is delivered in all seriousness by Rachel McAdams who is this movies one freakin saving grace. She's really interesting to watch even in a movie like this where her part was one note all the way through. (my theatre arts minor is rearing its ugly head again).

p.s. After halving our pay, in the weekly meeting this morning the owner has just told us all that we are to support the hated sales guy. When I mentioned that it was a two way street, he said no, it's not, you're expected to support him no matter how he treats you. Unfuckingbelievable.

Shrimp Week #15

Your Baby
The body is now growing faster than the head, balancing out that brain-heavy look and making the fetus appear more baby-like. The skin is covered with lanugo, an ultrafine hair that protects it until birth. There's also hair on the baby's head, and the beginnings of tiny eyebrows. Your little one is now about 4 inches long and weighs just under 2 ounces.

Toilet Paper Fun

Toilet Paper Fun
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

This is what I woke up to this morning.

Toilet Paper Fun

Toilet Paper Fun
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

And this.

Toilet Paper Fun

Toilet Paper Fun
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

And this.

Toilet Paper Fun

Toilet Paper Fun
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

And this.

It's my fault for not putting the tp on the tp holder instead of just propping it up on top. They were so damn quiet about it too. Keep in mind we have a friend of Husbands who just moved here staying with us until he finds an apartment in Dallas. Can you say "gonna have their hands full with 5 animals and an infant?"

More Than Meets The Eye

My world is now complete. I don't even know how many hours of our lives Brother and I spent with these two creations. I can't wait to see the finished product.

London Calling

CanaMa
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

CanaMa leaves for London today. The trip has been scheduled for a while and when the first attack happened a couple of weeks ago I thanked my lucky stars that she hadn't left yet. I thought, well she'll be a lot safer now with all the security. Then today happened. She'll be taking taxis exclusively, but what if that's the next target? She's there until August 2nd and I don't think I'll feel completely calm until she's home safe. Our child better have one of their grandmothers by God.

Lance Fever

Maybe it's because the only think ever on in this house right now is the Tour de France but this made me laugh out loud today.

Another Non Vaginal Sonogram Havin' Appointment Yay!

While I'm eternally grateful that I didn't have a foreign object in my vagina today (those sonogram dildos are so cold and detached) I'm dissapointed we didn't get to see the baby moving around. We did hear a heartbeat loud clear and strong. Husband hadn't heard it yet so I was glad we were able to pick it up with no problem. Still it didn't leave me with quite the same amazed and joyous feeling I get when I see the little shrimp. Maybe it's because I'm so tired. Last night my body said sleep! sleep woman! And my head said sleep! sleep woman! But alas I could not comply. It's been gradually getting worse and worse. Especially when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee. After that forget it, I'm up for at least an hour. My Dr. said to take Tylenol pm if I couldn't sleep. Then he told me how to make my own for way cheaper. Just buy regular Tylenol and generic benedryl (sp?) and take the at the same time. Interesting. I think I'll try it right about now.

I'm Afraid I'm Very Afraid

One of the scariest of the unknowns I'm facing with my first child is how it will effect my relationship with Husband. I don't think it's an understatement to say that we're more solid now than we've ever been. And believe me there were a couple of hellish rocky times. But the last 2 and 1/2 years have been bliss with the occasional tiff thrown in for interest. I don't know that I can even begin to picture how a child will change the dynamics of our relationship and that is pretty scary. I love the way we are now. And this isn't helping matters. So those of you who are partners and mothers, was it hard? How did you get through it if it was? I know that every couple is unique and there's no way to really know for sure how things will change for us. But if you've been through it and don't mind sharing your experiences I would be very grateful for some insight. (If you don't want to comment just email me at katiemagic at hotmail dot com.)

Odds and Ends

Bella the Bulldog
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

Holy shit are there really less than 180 days until this baby comes? We'd better start shopping! This weekend I felt what I think might have been the baby moving. It was just like everyone described, a short fluttering in intervals. I suppose it's still a bit early but since the baby is 15 weeks in size I'm not ruling it out. I'm very glad CanaMa and brother were in town to experience it with me! All I've been craving lately is candy. Not chocolate mind you, but the terrible for you empty calorie kind like twizzlers. And today I discovered Mike and Ike Berry Blast which just might be the only food I eat for 179 days.

Poor Bella is sick. She woke us up at 3:30 this morning throwing up. Poor thing carried on for an hour. It really took me back to last summer when she had a reaction to some antibiotics the vet gave her and threw up almost every single night for weeks before we figured out what was causing it. But she drank some water this morning and was able to keep it down so hopefully I won't be coming home to a house full of puke.

I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory over the weekend with CanaMa and brother and LOVED it! As interesting as Johnny Depp's take on Wanka was, for me Willy will always be embodied by Gene Wilder. Still, it's a fun movie to watch and as all Tim Burton movies are, visually stunning. I really missed the old Oompa Loompa songs, but I'm sure they would be completely quaint and boring to the kids today so it's probably better that they were replaced.

OMG, my new obsession is Footballers Wives on BBC America. Because I am a total Britphile, and love gossip, I've been reading about this series in the rags for quite a while now. And it's finally jumped the pond! 10 times better than Desperate Housewives, I highly recommend everyone check it out. BTW does anyone know why the UK already has Desperate Housewives and we have to wait 2 years for their series? It drives me crazy!

I have no good way to end this totally pointless post. The End.

Shrimp Week #14

How your baby's growing: Head to bottom, your baby's 3 1/2 inches long — about the length of a lemon — and weighs about 1 1/2 ounces. Her body's growing faster than her head, which now sits upon a more well-defined neck. By the end of this week, her arms will have lengthened and will be in proportion to the rest of her body. (Her legs still have some growing to do, though.) She's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair all over her body (called lanugo). Her liver starts secreting bile this week, a sign that it's already functioning properly, and her spleen starts contributing to the production of red blood cells. She's also producing and discharging urine into the amniotic fluid, a normal process that she'll keep up until birth. You still can't feel your baby's movements, but her hands and feet (which are now half an inch long) are more flexible and active. Thanks to brain impulses, her little facial muscles are getting a workout as she squints, frowns, and grimaces. She can grasp now, too, and she may be able to suck her thumb.

Thinking About My Job

I've seen the possibility of much less income coming for a long time now. I've looked for other jobs online and even went on a couple of interviews but nothing panned out. I've always had great luck with employment agencies but I could never bring myself to take that step. Why I didn't, I think, is that the people in my office have truly become my extended family. And they have all supported me through a lot of big life changes. In the 4 years I've worked there I:

1. Moved in with Husband Then Boyfriend (actually occurred shortly before I landed the job, but the adjustment stage was in full effect)
2. Graduated college
3. Bought my first car
4. Buried Husband The Boyfriends wonderful grandmother
5. Learned Husband Then Boyfriends mom had lung cancer (never smoked in her life)
6. Got engaged
7. Buried Husband Then Fiances mom who was too amazing to even begin to describe here
8. Got married (3 weeks later)
9. Bought a house
10. Shipped my Mom off to Canada (I had never lived more than 30 minutes away from her and saw her at least every couple of weeks)
11. Got pregnant

Through it all they have always been supportive and concerned and have cared much more about me as a person than the work that I did. Especially my boss and his wife. They're the sweet aunt and uncle I never had. (I have lots of wonderful aunts and uncles, Hi Aunt Catherine and Uncle Ron, Uncle Mike and Aunt Jodie And all the rest! But I've never lived close enough to them to sustain a really deep relationship) I'll always be thankful for my time there.

Methinks This Is A Pregnancy Milestone

I had my first dream about our baby last night. I've had dreams in the past about a potential future child that we might have. But this one was absolutely connected to the baby in my body. In the dream I went into labor at work and had our baby girl in the bathroom by myself with no problems and very little pain. I was worried because she was early but she was as big as a full term baby and all pink and perfect. For some reason I went back to work right then with her all swaddled and cozy. And I kept thinking about how I really needed to call Husband and tell him that I'd had our baby and she was perfect but I had so much work to do I'd just call him an a few minutes after I got one more thing done. Then it hit me that we had a baby, and she was early so I took her to the baby doc and had her checked out. They confirmed she was perfect in every way and again I thought, I should really call Husband and tell him what's going on. At the docs office was telling everyone I saw that I was totally unprepared for this baby because she had come so early, and we didn't even have a crib yet and what were we gonna do? Then the scene changed to my childhood house where Husband and I apparently live in dreamland. We were in the TV room playing with our baby and I got my first really good dream look at her. She had a full head of hair the same color as mine and big beautiful green eyes like her dad. She was gorgeous and when she smiled at us we saw the dimple in her left cheek. At that moment I fell completely in love with her. And at that moment I thought, this is our little Ellis. Ellis Geneva Tschoepe.* There has never been a name better suited to anyone ever before.





*Ellis is my mom's maiden name, we'll use it as the first name for our girl or boy. Geneva was my mother in laws name. If it's a boy his middle name will be Glenn after my dad.

Hellish Day At Work

I'm still working actually. And all because of my own damn mistake. I hate it when that happens.

Honestly The Most Disgusting Thing I've Smelled Maybe Ever

Three times in the last two days the women's restroom at work has been so polluted that I gag several times when I'm in there. I have to work very hard to go to the happy place in my head where everything smells like roses so I don't throw up. And just to be completely overly graphic, the smell has all been the same. You know how you know the smell of you're loved one's bathroom business? Well, I now know the smell of some random woman's ROTTING ASS. The least she could do, as this seems to be a chronic issue, is bring a small air freshener or throw a bottle of perfume in her purse. ANYTHING so I don't have to smell that EVER AGAIN.

No Freakin Way

Andy Milonakis is older than me. No, really, see. Always count on Defamer to expose Hollywood's darkest secrets. It's in yesterdays short ends.

Tuesday Morning Elixir

The genetics Doc called this morning with great news. Our baby is perfectly healthy in every chromosomal way. Or at least the two that they tested for. I hadn't even realized how worried I really was until she told me, after which I cried with relief and happiness. AND, as I was sitting in traffic this morning for an hour and a half I realized that one more benefit of the new work situation is that I have those 2 to 3 hours a day of my life that I have spent in gridlock back. Yay!

On A Lighter Note?

Katie Holmes is insane. There's a question mark in the blog title because I can't decide if she's an evil genius or just completely brainwashed. I keep picturing Katie in that brainwashing scene in Zoolander but instead of hearing "kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia " she's hearing "He's such and amazing man, I'm so lucky, he's such an amazing man".

Shrimp Week #13: OUT OF THE DANGER ZONE!

How your baby's growing: Your belly may soon be big enough to announce to the world that you're expecting, but your baby is still tiny. In fact, he's only about 3 inches long crown to rump — roughly the size of a jumbo shrimp — and weighs just about an ounce. Despite the small proportions, there's a fully formed baby inside your womb now. Much more proportional than it was a few weeks ago, his head is now only about a third the size of his body. His tiny, unique fingerprints are already in place. His kidneys and urinary tract are functional, and he's starting to urinate out the amniotic fluid he's been swallowing. As you start your second trimester, most of your baby's critical development will be completed, and your odds of miscarriage will drop considerably.
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Yay! We rode the highway right out of that danger zone, I am so relieved. Last night Husband and I had a "date" and it took me forever to find something to wear. All of my old skirts can still zip, but sitting down is seriously constricting, and when I try to wear any of my old clothes I just end up looking extra fat instead of pregnant. Luckily in my maternity clothes you can kinda tell. I'm glad to know that our baby is bigger than her age because that explains my fast expanding tummy. I was worried that I was just eating too much. Now when I tell CanaMa I'm showing a little and she says "are you sure it wasn't that (insert food here)*" I can say YES I'm sure!

This morning as I was drying off after my shower I noticed something well, disturbing. Little starter stretch marks all along the bottom of my belly going all the way around to my hips. What the hell? Isn't it too early? I've done my share of losing and gaining weight in this life so stretch marks aren't entirely new to me. But these are different. These are PURPLE. I've never seen anything like it. I guess I'll have to come to terms with the fact that my tummy will look like a map of purple rivers by the time I give birth. I'm starting to freak out a little bit about this huge change my body is beginning. I don't think any amount of "oh, but it's so special because you're growing a baby" is going to help.

Since it's week 13 my Doc says I can have a bit of caffeine. I've been jonesing for a big glass of iced tea for 3 months, so I'm off to drown my stretch marked sorrows in one right now.



*CanaMa would NEVER say anything like that unless she were JOKING. I have the awesomest momz ever. Seriously.

A Shrimpy Update

Today I had an appointment to get some sort of genetic testing done. I thought it was the triple screen but apparently it takes the place of that test and can be done earlier. The Dr. who does this (ha! Dr. Who!) offices literally right next door to my regular doc. And I'm not sure why reg doc doesn't do this test, but he doesn't so I had to fill out another mound of paperwork weeee! I was under the impression that this was a simple blood test which I thought I was brave enough to handle on my own so I told Husband not to bother coming along. That was a mistake.

After filling out the paper work I was taken into an office to meet with a genetic counselor who explained what the test was looking for. This one checks for two things, Down Syndrome, and another chromosomal abnormality which only 10% of the babies survive for more than a year. Great. Good to hear. Husband and I can handle Down Syndrome, Autism, Mental Retardation, anything. We're not going to love this baby any less. Although I'd be lying if I said there wouldn't have to be some real adjustments made to our dreams for the little one. And probably a period of mourning for what might have been. But the thought of only getting to see our baby grow for a year is just unfathomable. The thought of our baby suffering physically, pains me so deeply. Going into today I was already worried because I've been sick, and it's been a couple of weeks since I saw that little heartbeat and I always get paranoid that they're not going to see one at the next visit. Then add to that the possibility of our baby suffering for the only year she's* on this Earth and lets just say I REALLY could have used my husbands shoulder to lean on.

It wasn't all terrible though. Part of the test is a sonogram (another reason Husband should have been there damn it) to measure the amount of fluid around the shrimps spine. And ladies and gentlemen for the first time I did not have to have a vaginal sonogram! Thank God, I've been waiting for this day! And whatever machine they have at this office is so sensitive that I didn't even have to have a full bladder. As the nurse rubbed the wand across my belly I mentioned to her my fear of the baby not having a heartbeat so she pushed a button and ba boom ba boom ba boom, there it was. For the first time I was able to hear it and I'm sick to death that Husband wasn't there too because it was just amazing. Shrimp was being quite uncooperative and refusing to get into the right position for them to measure her fluid so I got a nice long look. And just like her mom, shrimp is trying to grow up too fast. They say she's measuring 14 weeks already.

It's crazy, every single time I see the baby everything in this world snaps into perspective. There are times in between visits when I feel overwhelmed about work or money and I wonder how we're going to raise a child when we still feel like kids ourselves a lot of the time. But as soon as I get a glimpse of her I have absolutely zero doubts.

My tummy is starting to have a little bump to it. Not enough for strangers to know I'm pregnant but enough that Husband and I can tell. I'm really excited about that. Maybe the bigger I get the more I'll be reminded that we can handle what's coming. Here's hoping.

*We don't know the gender yet but Husband swears it's a girl. I think it's a boy but really I just say that in case it is a boy and I can say I was right, ha ha.

Manifesto

We all do it. Every day around co-workers, lovers, little ones, mothers, fathers and strangers in the grocery store. There's a social code that we cater to and whether we realize it or not, it dictates that we censor ourselves. We mold our behavior to meet the societal standards we all silently agree on as we go about our day. For me, home is where I'm least censored. I'm lucky enough to have a husband who loves me for my craziness as well as my conformity*. And I'm so thankful that I can just let loose when I need to. But nothing beats the careful choosing and arranging of words (which can be deleted, and re-worked as much as needed) to adequately express how you're feeling.

(*Yes my conformity. As much as I'm loath to admit it sometimes it's just easier to go along with the masses. That's not to say that if something I'm deeply passionate about goes against the mainstream I'll conform my opinions, not at all. But you know, the every day stuff. It's just easier sometimes.)

The online journal is a strange hybrid. It is what it's name suggests, a daily journal of one's thoughts and feelings. Yet unlike the traditional journal that gets tucked under the mattress, the blog is read by anyone. Presumably you're friends and family read it to get a quick update on your day to day life. Unless you decide to publish anonymously of course, which I don't quite get. My blog is an extension of me, and to publish anonymously I would be showing only a fraction of who I am. On the other hand there are some things that are too personal to put on a blog that you know your dad is gonna read. So to not write about those things, is that doing yourself a disservice?

The best most engaging online journals are those in which the writer is the most exposed, the most raw, the least censored. It's my suspicion that those are also the most therapeutic to write. Because that's what this really is when you get down to it. All of us who journal about our lives are they types of people who feel better once they write about things. I have always felt so at peace after spilling my guts to a page. But until this journal, I never regularly wrote. That's why this is so important to me. That's why I'm going to try my best not to censor my feelings about what's going on in my life. I will always be respectful of my friends and loved ones feelings. I will never go on a one sided rampage against anyone or use someone's name when I shouldn't. In short I will not use this journal for evil.

Hopefully one day my journals will allow my little shrimp's shrimp to really get to know me as I was never able to know my grandparents. Or perhaps more importantly they will allow the future me to connect with who I once was.

All I know for sure is that I am making a promise to myself to write honestly about what I am feeling at any particular moment in time. And I intend to keep it.

Magical

The next time you're sick, go get one gallon of orange juice and one 2 liter of Sprite. Put ice in a glass and mix half and half. It's the best stuff in the world and tastes even better when you're sick. I'm going back to bed with mine right now.

I'm sick

This happens every time there's a week or longer combo of stress and lack of sleep. While I guess I'm glad I've still got my tonsils, I'm not glad that that's where infection lives every time I get sick. The damn things are scarred and pock marked from so many bouts with strep. Luckily (fingers crossed) since I don't yet have fever and I'm staying my ass in bed until I feel well again, I won't have to take any antibiotics. I'm not even sure that I can take them in my "condition" anyway. Hope everyone had a fabulous fourth! I'm going back to bed.

Ew, look what comes up when I google tonsils.

Shrimp Week #12

How your baby's growing: Your baby's hit the 2-inch mark (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce. Her face is beginning to look more human. Her eyes, which started out on the sides of her head, have moved closer together on her face, and her ears are near their final positions on the sides of her head. Your baby's intestines, which have grown so rapidly that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into her abdominal cavity about now. Her kidneys are secreting urine into her bladder. Her nerve cells have been multiplying rapidly, and synapses (neurological pathways in the brain) are forming. Your baby may have acquired more reflexes by now, including sucking, and she'll even squirm if you prod your abdomen, though you still won't be able to feel her movement for several weeks.

Alone Again, Naturally

Once again I'm the only person in the office for the rest of the afternoon. It's scary how hard it is to get motivated to do anything when every single other person who works at this place is off starting their weekend early. Oh well, at least it's a three day weekend, woo hoo!

Sleepwalking....

I'm trying to gather my thoughts into some sort of coherant thread regarding self censorship in an online journal and my feelings about it. But I didn't get to sleep until 3am last night so gathering thoughts is proving to be quite difficult. Yawn! I'm looking forward to the 4th though. My friends with kids tell me it's our last year to do whatever we want, and what do we have planned? Absolutely nothing. Actually it's probably the last year (6 months) we'll be able to do absolutely nothing so we'd better live it up doing a whole lot of nothing. Did I mention I'm sleepwalking?