Look! She's My Double Chin Twin

I love her.

Is This Called Being Responsible?

I have never in my life been one to plan things. I hate planning because when you plan things you're invariably committed to doing things you might not feel like doing when that day comes. What if I just want to go to the movies on the day I've committed to help a friend move? Life is too short to constantly do crap you don't want to do all of the time. (That said, I do generally commit to doing things that I know are important to other people and very rarely do I break a commitment when I agree to it.)

So imagine my surprise these last few weeks when I have the overwhelming compulsion to get my shit organized and planned. There are so many things I want to get done before January there is just no possible way it's all going to get finished. For example; do you see this wall paper?



It makes me want to scratch my eyes out every time I walk into the kitchen. Which is a lot these days. I know we're never going to get around to taking it down once the baby's here so if we're gonna do it it's gotta be soon. Also the wallpaper in the guest bathroom and half baths are hideous. I'm fairly certain none of them have been updated since the first season of Friends. You know how you watch those first episodes and say to yourself, "Wow, that looks really dated I can't believe I wanted to look like that." That's our wallpaper.

Also, I have no idea what else to do with the baby's room. Right now the closet in there is full to the brim with boxes we're storing for CanaMa that are too heavy to go in the attic. Where the hell are we going to put those? I still need just about everything for the baby including a stroller and car seat and a FREAKING CAR. The car might be at the top of my list actually. It's hard to car shop for practicality. When I bought my jeep I loved it because it felt fun and free and was affordable. Now I have to buy a car that fits all these requirements that are just no fun at all to think about and not worry about how it looks as long as it's functional. Our biggest priority (besides safety, and cheap) is that there is enough room for shrimpy and the dauggers on road trips. I'm sure the first time we attempt a road trip with two dogs and an infant I'll want to kick myself in the shins for making it a priority but there it is anyway.

I feel the need to paint the whole house something other than off white. I'd like to get several area rugs so I'm not sitting on cement playing with the little guy. Forget that all of this shit costs lots and lots of money that we don't have.

I'm not seriously freaking out yet but I do have all of these things just kind of hanging over my head. Like that feeling you get around late March when you know you should really go ahead and file your taxes. Or the week before a term paper is due and you always feel like you should be working on it rather than doing whatever it is you're doing.

Fuck it, I'm gonna go make a list.

Cola Bear Tschoepe 1988-2005

Last night we took Cola to the vet after a couple of weeks of not eating as much as normal, and a weekend of refusing any food at all. Over the last couple of days he had been having trouble walking and just overall looked like he felt like shit. Although we weren't shocked by any means it was still very very hard to hear that he was in kidney failure and there was really nothing they could do. We made the decision to have him put to sleep, something I never thought I would do. The poor little guy just didn't have any fight left, and he was in a lot of pain. We inherited Cola from Kent's mom when she passed away two years ago next month. I think it's a little harder because he was the last every day physical link we had with her. He was a sweet cat. He always wanted to sleep with his face 1 millimeter from ours right in between us, and always wanted to be in someone's lap. Even with four of our other little "kids" healthy and happy and running around, the house feels emptier. I miss him.

Shrimp Week #20 (Just Ignore the Double Chin)

How your baby's growing: Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. (Ha! Maybe a normal baby does, ours is over a pound by now.) He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom, and about 10 inches from head to heel. (For the first 20 weeks, we use measurements taken from the top of the baby's head to his bottom known as the "crown to rump" measurement. After that, we use measurements from head to toe. This is because a baby's legs are curled up against his torso during the first half of pregnancy and are very hard to measure.)

A greasy white substance called vernix caseosa coats his entire body to protect his skin during its long submersion in amniotic fluid. (This slick coating also eases the journey down the birth canal.)

Your baby is swallowing more, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky substance that's the result of cell loss, digestive secretion, and swallowed amniotic fluid. This meconium will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first messy diaper (although a few babies pass it in utero or during delivery).
________

Yay! We're halfway through! If my ass keeps growing at the same rate as my belly I'm not going to be able to fit in the hospital doors. I had to take about 30 pictures to get one where I looked halfway not like a whale. I can't believe that we're halfway there. Now we have to get busy with new car buying (we both have Jeep Wranglers, hardly car seat ready) which is always a joy, and about a million other things which keep me up at night.

Also new is the shrimpy's insatiable appetite for kicking my bladder and making me scream Oh! at completely inappropriate times. I hope he turns himself around soon because as of our last appointment he's breach and I don't know how much more my bladder can take. He's gonna be a little mountain biker with those legs!

The Old Rusty Barn

Kent and I have this ongoing "fight" about whether or not we live in the country. I say we live in the suburbs because there are a ton of neighborhoods, Starbucks and Blockbusters around the corner, and that kind of thing. When I picture "in the country" I picture something like this.



Or this.



Or maybe this.


All of which were taken around the corner from our house this morning. I think I may have lost this one.

I'm a Big Fat Blog Slacker

I think 4 days might be the longest I've ever not posted. I think after the verbal diarrhea that was my last post, I needed to reload or something. Anyway, I've been tagged yay! And am again going to be totally lame because I haven't really been listening to music lately. If the radio is on it's tuned to NPR, so instead of 5 songs I dig, I'm doing 5 NPR shows I dig. Could I be more boring? Probably not.

1. This American Life
2. Fresh Air
3. The Diane Rehm Show
4. A Prairie Home Companion
5. Wait Wait-Don't Tell Me

Home Ec

I haven't been the most joyful person to be around these last few weeks. It seems that staying at home has been a much bigger adjustment than I had anticipated.

Before I met my husband I had made up my mind never to have a family or get married. I was going to LA to get into the biz. It sounds so cliche now. I was serious about it at the time though, and I couldn't have imagined anything changing my plans. Then on the millennium new years eve I went camping with my best friend and another friend of ours (Kent). Until that night I had never even thought of beginning anything romantic with him, but there was something about the cold air, and warm fire, and his energy that opened me to the possibility. We didn't spend a night apart after that for quite a while. As I've said before I knew about 2 months into it that I wanted to marry him. I could not envision my future without him, and what I envisioned was not us in LA living that life. What I envisioned was me staying home with our kids. At that point any thought of a "real" career paled in comparison, and an acting career takes total devotion which I was not prepared to give at the expense of my new dream. So I took the job I have now with the thought in the back of my head that I would leave it some day to work in the home. When I was looking for new jobs recently (pre shrimpy) CanaMa would ask what I thought I wanted to do. All I kept coming back to was "be a stay at home mom". I didn't have any specific ideas about what that would mean, and I still don't really, but it's the first thing that popped into my head and heart.

In some vague way I knew that it meant keeping the house, and managing a grocery budget and all of those things. But when I think about someone doing those things the image that comes to mind is June Cleaver. It never crossed my mind that doing this job has not changed in any significant way since that time. But I don't think it has. And I, my friends, am not prepared. I have never been a neat freak and Kent has honestly done the lions share of house work up until now. I have never used a coupon in my life and have no idea how to plan a meal. I laughed at Home Ec being a required course in Jr. High because I thought I would never have any use for any of the things they taught in that stupid class. I know I don't have to be super housewife like the sitcoms of the 50's and 60's, but I'm not even adequate housewife at this point. I feel like a maid, and cry while scrubbing the floor (trust me it needed it) thinking to myself "why did I bother going to college if this is what I ended up doing? At least I could be getting paid for cleaning someone else's house." I know how ungrateful I sound don't bother telling me. A lot of this feeling comes from what I am now required to do for work, without going into too much detail, it's not much different from telemarketing (which is a world away from what I was hired to do), and have I mentioned how shy I am? I'm sure there will be a new sense of purpose once shrimpy's here. All the cleaning and budgeting will have a much bigger meaning then. I am VERY thankful I am able to go through this adjustment phase before he comes into this world. If this had happened right after we brought him home I wouldn't know that a lot (or at least some) of my feelings of being overwhelmed were caused by something else entirely. Hopefully I'll have a better handle on things by then.

I'm better each week I think, and it definitely helps when Kent's home more. I don't think he understands, and I can't blame him. I would never in a million years have thought I would feel this way when I get to sleep later and not go into an office every day. I think a lot of it is being scared of the traditional gender roles in this society. I don't want to fall into them. We're not really, I mean, I am not expected to stay here, I choose to be here. If I made the majority of the money in our household Kent would stay home. I am lucky that we can even attempt to afford it these days. I never expected this scenario to be perfect. I just never expected to feel so inadequate, and undervalued (by society, not Kent), and grateful, and trapped, and free, and stupid all wrapped into one. Maybe it's the hormones.

I Give UP

What a pain in the ass comments spam is! This is the first time I've gotten a significant amount so I've taken your advice and turned on the word thingy.

7 Things

7 Things I plan to do before I die
1. See my son grow happy and healthy
2. Travel the world with my husband and children
3. Start auditioning again even if it's just community theatre
4. Produce a documentary about my grandfather Ellis (click on early history)
5. See my mom happily in a relationship
6. Be a size 5
7. Move out of Texas

7 Things I can do
1. Ride a bike
2. Speak French (but not like I used to)
3. Refurbish old wooden furniture
4. Grow a baby
5. Paint
6. Listen
7. Read a novel in a day

7 Things I cannot do
1. Speak Spanish damnit!
2. Mountain bike without falling every single time
3. Talk to strangers at parties without alcohol
4. Write fiction
5. Not eat cheese (no seriously, I've tried)
6. Calculus
7. Highlight my hair at home

7 Things that attract me to the opposite sex
1. Their energy (the hippy kind)
2. The ability to laugh at oneself
3. Eyes
4. Love of music
5. An adventurous spirit
6. Empathy for others
7. Love of animals

7 Things I say most often
1. Seriously
2. What the fuck
3. No Bella!
4. I love my girls (I tell this to the dauggers several times a day)
5. I'm tired
6. I'm hungry
7. I can't wait until he gets here but he better not be early, you hear that Shrimpy

7 Celebrity Crushes
1. Gavin Rosdale
2. Jude Law
3. Kate Winslet
4. Gael Garcia Bernal (I just bought Amores Perros, depressing but highly recommended)
5. Johnny Depp
6. Cary Grant
7. Humphry Bogart

7 People I want to do this
I think they've all been tagged by NME so I'll take my cue from her and do celebrities on this one
1. Martha Stewart
2. Martin Freeman
3. Louis Theroux
4. Terry Gross
5. Steve Burns (I love his cd, seriously)
6. Beck
7. Carson from Queer Eye (love him)

And The Lord God Said Go Forth And Convert Everyone You See To Southern Baptism Especially Those Hindu People

Kent just spent an hour in line to renew his drivers license sandwiched between a 70 year old Southern Baptist and a 30 something Muslim. The guy started with Kent then moved on to each person in the line witnessing to them. He asked the Muslim guy "Are you one of those Hindu people?" Kent said the Muslim guy, who was too nice to be rude like a lot of the people, kept asking the old guy genuine questions and the old guy just kept ignoring them like a preacher on a pulpit sticking to the script. At one point, he asked another woman in line if she was a Jew. You have to envision the guy and his accent when you think about this. He's all Texased out and says "Yeew uh Jeeew?" Think Hank's dad on King of the Hill and I think you've got it. I'm surprised he didn't tell them all they were going to hell. Although they might have argued they were already in it.

*The spell check tried to change Texased to deceased, ha! Not fucking far off.

Shrimp Week #19

How your baby's growing: Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces, and he measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the length of a small zucchini. His arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of his body now. His kidneys continue to make urine, and the hair on his scalp is sprouting. This is a crucial time for sensory development: Your baby's brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch.

I'm feeling really tired and headachey today so I'm taking it easy. I think I overdid it last week and especially yesterday. The heat index was 105 or something like that and when it's that hot I sweat through my clothes just walking into the garage. But the errands were worth it because we did some decorating to the shrimpy's room. We left the blue from the previous owners just in case we had a boy. It took me about 2 hours to cover the wall with the silver words. In person it's really cool because they're very subtle and even disapear in the right light.
It says Dream, Wish, Hope, Imagine, and Believe. All things we wish for our little boy.

When You Wish Upon A Star

For the last 4.75 months I have been so happy about being pregnant, and having a child that nothing could dampen it. But if I was honest I would have said that the one thing I would change would be to have a good friend going through it with me. For the last 4.75 months I've been talking to my very good friend (and soul sister) Drew about all of my ups and downs, and doubts and happy moments just about every day. She's been so great, thanks Drew! And yesterday I found out that HOLY FUKCING SHIT BALLS, she's been holding out on me for 3 whole months. That's right internet, I have a pregnancy buddy and I didn't even know it!!!!! I'm so excited I'm not even going to yell at her anymore for not telling me until now. Our kiddos are only going to be a month and a half or so apart, yay!!! It's only fitting really, our lives have been intertwined in strange and not so strange ways since our mom's became friends way back when we were in high school. We've shared a lot of laughs as single girls, and some tears as each of us got married (OK, I blubbured like a baby during her ceremony, but we don't have to talk about that do we?)and now we get to share this once in a lifetime first kid thing too. I can't think of anyone who I would rather share this with.

I Promised Him I Wouldn't Do This But

After the 100th or so mushy entry about how great my husband is he asked me politely to stop bragging about him here because it was embarrassing. Well too bad sucka! Yesterday when he came home he gave me the once over (in a good way) and said "Babe, I think you're actually losing weight everywhere except your belly." If anyone ever had any doubt that I married the right man you may now officially kiss my fat ass. And no I don't actually know of anyone who did, I'm just sayin.

Ellis Glenn Tschoepe

It's a boy!!!!!! He's healthy and moving around and looking great. He's 11 oz already good lord he's gonna be big. I really didn't know how I would feel either way but I am so happy I can't keep a smile off my face. We're having a boy, he's healthy, and all is right with the world.

Update:
Kent has the sonogram pic up if you want the first look at our son's little hot dog. The word "Boy" is right below it, this one's not as easy to see!

Sunset

Sunset
Originally uploaded by KATIEmagic.

I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight. All I can think about is if it's going to be pink or blue.

If You Have Issues With Poop of The Non-Human Variety You Might Want To Skip This One

Yesterday I drove into work for the first time in a couple of weeks for a staff meeting. It sucked sitting in traffic again and just doing so pulled me out of my "this job sucks and I hate cleaning every day and doing mostly nothing else" funk a little. Before I left the house the girls were pretty groggy since we've all been sleeping later and are out of the morning routine already. I usually leave enough time to walk into the back yard with them to make sure they both poo and pee before leaving them alone for most of the day. (We have a pool and English Bulldogs sink right to the bottom if they fall in so I have to go with them each time.) Yesterday, however, they were too sleepy to do anything and I hadn't left enough time to wait anymore so one pooed and one peed and that was it.

When I got to work I noticed everyone was looking at my belly first and then my face which is a new experience for me. Usually if someone's not looking at my face they're looking a bit higher than the belly area so this was a nice change on two fronts. The first being obvious and the second being that this was the first time I noticed people looking at the belly and not getting that "is she really pregnant or just fat" look. The meeting was pointless as meetings usually are and I spent the rest of my 4 hour work day working on projects the bosses daughter doesn't want to do. So looks like things are the same around there. On the upside Kent's office is on the way home so I had a lovely lunch date that included french fries, yum.

When I got home, as I walked into the door I was hit immediately with an odor that I can only describe as that rotten smell your fridge gets when you leave raw meat in there for a couple of months and forget you have it. (Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.) I didn't go straight to locating the pile of shit however, because when I leave for that long the girls need to go straight outside upon my return. So that's what we did.

While outside Chloe, our little furball, took a long and seemingly satisfying shit. About halfway to the door to come back inside she started scooting her butt on the ground which only means one thing in dogland. A big huge smelly piece of satisfying shit was caught on her furry little ass. I immediately assessed my options. I could let her scoot it off on her own outside but that would mean that I had to sit in the blazing hot Texas sun until she did, so that was out. I could throw her in the pool and hope that the thing fell off, but then I would never again be able to swim in said pool, so that was out. I could pick her up and whisk her to the bathtub as soon as I opened the door, but the I’d have to bend over to bathe her and it’s difficult to do that these days so that was out. I settled on whisking her up and putting her in the kitchen sink where I could give her a nice thorough bath without breaking my back, then bleach the hell out of it when I was done. I opened the door ready to pick her up. Instead, she scoot-ran faster than I could reach her into the living room heading straight for our couch. I caught her just as she was about to jump and carried her to the sink. I was so focused on not letting the shit assed dog onto the furniture I didn’t notice that she had succeeded in transferring the shit from her ass to the floor, and I had succeeded in stepping in it and tracking it all the way back to the kitchen sink. Luckily I looked down right as I put her in, and stripped my shoes and one nice maternity shirt off so I could bathe her in just my jeans.

It took around 15 minutes to get the matted shit off of her ass but finally it was done. I got out the bleach (we have stained cement floors that we did ourselves, a huge pain in the ass to do but very handy in a situation such as this) and started cleaning up all of the shoe patterned shit spots around the house while still half naked and breathing in the putrid rotten meat shit smell that hit me when I came in. After searching for quite a few minutes I finally found the human sized pile of shit that our little Bella dog can produce. I reached down to pick it up and ¼ of an inch before my paper towel hand reached the shit I saw a huge ugly scary spider the EXACT same color as the shit standing on the pile. (I was thisclose to taking a picture consider yourself lucky.) Completely exasperated, and still breathing the smell from hell I sat down not knowing what else to do. How was I supposed to pick up the shit with a gigantic scary spider guarding its find? I called Kent who oh so helpfully said “Maybe he’s waiting on a fly.” That gave me an idea. I grabbed the fly swatter and used the tip of it to flick the spider off of the pile of shit. The spider ran off and I was finally able to resume my shit cleaning duties, put a shirt on, and clear the house of the smell of putridity.

Throughout this hour long ordeal one thing kept repeating in my head. “I’m not sure if having a baby around is going to be quite this exciting, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be just as shitty.”

Perils of Working From Home Part II

Did you know that since I started working part time from home it's now my job to clean the house too? I hate my job.

Taco or Hot Dog?

Wednsday we have another appointment with the shrimpy doc. I called to find out if we'll be having a sonogram this time, and they said they thought so. Which means......if shrimpy cooperates we should know if it's a boy or girl. Anyone want to take bets?

Shrimp Week #18

Your Baby
Your baby's brain is growing rapidly. By this stage, all of the major areas have been differentiated. The cortical layers, which govern specific brain functions, are beginning to form. The fetus may exhibit signs of a primitive body language in utero, such as recoiling when the needle for the amniocentesis comes too close for comfort. Within the next few weeks, she'll be able to hear voices outside the womb and respond positively to music or loving words. It's time to fine-tune your singing and storytelling skills!

One of The Many Perils of Working From Home

I just made myself two pb&j sandwiches, then proceeded to ask my begging dogs "Ladies, shall we retire to the TV room?"

Food Diary Of A Pregnant Woman

Breakfast: 1 extra large bowl Honey Nut Cheerios with 44oz orange juice
Snack: peanut butter and jelly sandwich with 1 yogurt and 1 peach (still hungry)
Lunch: 10 slices of Swiss cheese with an apple and 4 cups of baby carrots (can't get enough of those carrots and I'm still hungry)
Snack: half pound of Skittles (I wish I was kidding)
Dinner: 15 frozen chicken taquitos another apple and a few more cups of carrots. (and yet still hungry)
Snack: Another yogurt and some of Kent's birthday cake.

But where are your leafy greens you ask? Where is the protein? Up your ass Bradley bitches! I ate an entire plate of Mexican food last night, that's a cheese enchilada, a chicken enchilada, one beef taco (I know, I can't believe I'm eating beef either), one chicken taco, and a shitload of beans and rice and I ate every last bit. This was after munching on chips and queso, and I was finally full. For like an hour.

Dove's Real Women

I found this article today about the controversy surrounding Dove's newest campaign. To be honest, I didn't know that there was a controversy. But some of the quotes from some of the men in this piece are just fucking unbelievable. I am so sick of feeling like I am un-fucking worthy of a second glance much less a conversation if I'm overweight while the fattest, baldest, nerdiest, grossest men are the ones applying the pressure. When will this stop? When will we stop beating each other (and ourselves) over the heads with one, repeat one, acceptable beauty standard? When will the expectations actually be equal? For the record, the first time I saw the Dove ads I didn't even get that these were supposed to be "real" body types because none of them are any where near large.

Half Priced Porn!

Last weekend Kent and I went to Half Priced Books so that he could take full advantage of his birthday gift card (that's right I went all out). He went straight to the records, I went straight to the momma section. In an attempt to ease some of my more recent labor and delivery fears, I picked up "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way". I remembered the Bradley method being mentioned as one of many relaxation options along with Lamaz. As I flipped through the book sitting on the floor in the store, I began to notice something. Every illustration of a woman, was of a completely naked woman. Strange, I thought. Then I spied a chapter on the episiotomy and read some interesting information so I continued flipping. As I got further into the book, I began to notice actual photos of naked women lying in "The Best Position for Labor". Well, this is a little "Real Sex" I thought. But kept flipping because I'm a big perv and I was hooked. Chapter 16 is the pushing chapter. The first few pages are again illustrations of naked women in labor being coached by clothed men, no big deal. Probably would have been sufficient no? Then suddenly without warning on page 149, is a black and white photograph of a woman knees up to her ears with NO CLOTHES ON and her shirtless "birthing coach" smilingly helping her through. Oh, well, this is a little inappropriate, I thought. And kept flipping because now, well, now I'm fascinated. The next few pages are all shots of the woman's crotch and her husband beside her in his 1984 running shorts and nothing else. Apparently they are at home because on page 151, she fucking picks up the phone to tell her friend she hasn't given birth yet. Then the baby crowns and let me just say I am SO THANKFUL I do not have to see my own pussy look like that. The whole spread (ha ha) has captions about how this woman was feeling zero pain because she was so relaxed and bla bla bla. Then, you turn the page and get yet another woman's pushing photo essay. Am I alone in finding this totally bizarre? I mean, I know that birth is a natural process and a woman's body is a beautiful thing and all that. But is there really any reason photograph it and publish it? Wouldn't illustrations work just as well? Why not go all the way with it and use color film? And why in the name of God isn't there one clothed female in the entire book?

Of course I bought the book. Partly because, as previously mentioned, I'm a perv. And partly because seeing the process I'm about to undertake is absolutely fascinating to me. And partly because I was hoping I too could learn how to have a "painless" birthing process.

I started reading it today and have not been impressed. The first 4 chapters read like propaganda. You're hurting your baby if you take any medications. Alka-Seltzer? You're a bad mother. Pain during labor? You just didn't prepare enough. Want to give birth in a hospital? You're ruining your chances of having a natural experience and bonding with your new baby.

Maybe once I get into the actual mechanics of the method I'll learn something useful. Right now all I know is, ain't no camera going "down there" when I'm pushing, and my huge tits will be safely confined in a sports bra.

Now THAT'S pregnant

Oh Britney how I love/hate the let me count the ways.

Update: This is now the 3rd time I've posted something already on The Slut Pages. From now on I think I'll look there first for my celeb news!

Today's Horoscope

It's great when they send you these uplifting, you control your destiny horoscopes isn't it?

ARIES
Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Trouble in paradise is unavoidable. You may as well be blunt and vent your true feelings. Attempts to finesse things have already had the opposite effect, so being bold today is actually the safest route to travel.

Texas Summer Storm

It's looking pretty scary outside right now! The trees are going nuts and Bella's hiding under my chair. Must be our first big summer storm.

Happy Birthday Kent!

It sucks to celebrate your birthday on a Monday. So I'm glad you were able to celebrate last night. Here is one of my favorite pictures of you, you're doing your best Derek Zoolander impression.


I was going to post the picture of you surrounded by tiny blond girls to demonstrate how hot you are, but we don't have a scanner so I posted this one instead.

One of my favorite things about you is your willingness to help other people. When your friend called and said he needed some pictures for his portfolio, you were right there with Magnum. You're a kind man with a good, loyal heart and I'm lucky to call you my husband.

I love you,

Kat

I am lonely

It's 10:30 on a Sunday night. I'm alone. I wonder if it's my fault.

Shrimp Week #17

How your baby's growing: Your baby weighs about 5 ounces now, and he's around 5 inches long — about the size of a large onion. He can move his joints, and his skeleton — until now rubbery cartilage — is starting to harden to bone. His sense of hearing is also developing. The umbilical cord, his lifeline to the placenta, is growing stronger and thicker.

Week 17 Belly

Worried

Last week I had a dream that I gave birth to a boy. This one was much more about the labor part than the sweet baby part. There was no feeling of connection like the last dream I had. Mostly I think it brought my labor fears to the surface so I'd be forced to deal with them. In the dream our baby was taken away from me to the nursery without anyone asking. I had to fight with the nurses to get him brought to my room so I could see him. That's a huge concern of mine. I'm going to want that baby in my arms from the moment shrimpy's born. Also during labor I was given the dreaded episiotomy. I am seriously frightened at the thought of this happening. I'd like to try to go without pain management drugs because I've read that the baby is less responsive and more groggy and therefore less ready to feed when the mother has been given drugs. (Plus CanaMa had both of us 8 and 10 pounders naturally) On the other hand I want to be there mentally for the birth and not out of my mind in a pain induced delirium. When I'm in pain I tend to retreat into my head and block everything else out. I'm sure whatever I decide to do will fly out the window when I actually start to labor, but it would be nice to feel as if I have some control of mine body and our shrimps.

Bella Says Hello

Housekeeping

I chose the title "Ramblings" hastily, when I didn't know what I would be doing with this site or if I would even stick with it. I've hated it from the beginning. The new title is an Homage to one of my favorite movies, and inspired by Psycho Kitty who's name I would totally steal if I could. My nickname in the real world is Kat so maybe I'll try to think of something a little more clever than Katiemagic soon. It was born out of an acting tool called the "magic if" years ago and more than one person has pointed out that it sounds like porn. I'm itching to have my own domain with my very own design, but I don't think I've learned enough yet. Any tips on easy blog building? I've looked at Movable Type, but again, I don't think my web language skills are up to snuff.

This is the Best She's Looked In Years

I'm not kidding ya'll. Thank God those disgusting hair extensions are gone. Why do famous people keep wearing those? They aren't fooling anyone people, and they're UGLY!!!

Also, pictures of famous asses are FUN! Just a tip though, if your g-string is see through it's good form to cut out the tag.

25 Things I Felt Like Sharing Today

1. When I eat multicolored candy like M&M's or Skittles I pour the entire bag out and sort them into color coded piles so I can choose which colors to eat next. This is the most anal thing I do.

2. One summer in college I taught "A Sense Of Humor Defensive Driving" there was nothing funny about it.

3. I am unnaturally attached to my pets and always have been. I still have a drawing of my childhood pet up in our house even though he died 5 years ago. I still cry when I drive by the house where he's buried in the back yard.

4. When I was a kid I wanted to grow up to be Snow White (or is it Sleeping Beauty?) so that I could call all the animals in the forest to me and they would be my friends.

5. My brother had a 90 mile an hour fast pitch when he was 12 but he gave up baseball for skateboarding.

6. He once got so mad at me he threw an apple at my face and gave me a black eye. He is one of my most favorite people on the planet.

7. I majored in French because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and French was fun.

8. I spent a summer semester in Paris that changed my life.

9. I was a model from 6 months until 12 years old. I quit because they wanted me to model a training bra.

10. I think this is where most of my body issues came from.

11. I lost my virginity very young and don't regret it in the least bit. I was ready.

12. I know it won't be OK with me if my daughter/son does the same thing.

13. I heart Joey McIntyre. Still.

14. I am HIGHLY introverted, and have been told numerous times that people thought I was a bitch when they first met me when in fact I'm almost physically unable to talk freely with people I don't know. (unless I've had a few drinks)

15. My husband has pulled me out of my shell farther than I ever thought I would go.

16. Once I'm comfortable around someone I tend to be a complete and total dork.

17. I knew I wanted to marry my husband when I discovered he has the same trait. It was about 2 months into dating him and I didn't keep it a secret, which probably scared the shit out of the poor guy.

18. I hardly ever have a lot of friends at one time. I'm much more comfortable with 2 or 3 very close friends.

19. I distrust organized religion.

20. I have tried to be anorexic but didn't have the willpower. I took diet pills instead.

21. My mom and dad were married for 24 years.

22. My step mother was and still is my dad's paralegal.

23. She is only 5 years older than my husband. My husband is 8 years older than me. I am 28 years younger than my dad. They have been married for 13 years.

24. I catch myself being afraid that what happened with my parents will happen with Husband and me.

25. Then I look at my husband and my fears disappear.

What the Fuck?

I worked on a long ass post on Monday about my friends party. I checked that it was there, checked all the links and everything. Now it's not even in my list of old posts. I am seriously pissed about this. Fucking Blogger. I'll try to re-create it.